Andrew's Journal [entries|friends|calendar] Andrew [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

cmu... [19 Jan 2004|01:07am] [ mood | bored ] [ music | Jay Z - La La La ] 1 week into school... too much for me already.. =( cmu is too fuckin cold.. i mean.. i can stand it and like i wont get sick or anything.. its just annoying when its all icy and skippery or else the snow melts and its hella gross or the winds blowing feels like knifes cutting into my face.. not too pleasant.. aside from that.. the coldness is alright. i love the whiteness after it snows.. so peaceful.. so beautiful.. heh heh at least this semester will be easier then last one.. i hope.. hehe so much more to do though. i'm gonna try to fill my time with lots more activities and clubs.. possible pledging.. and definitely more time to read and maybe a job.. heh i realize that i complained and whine about cmu last semester.. but i ugess in the end.. i will still stay here and graduate.. so i have to suck it up and learn to survive it... make the best of it.. if i start sounding like a bitch later on this semester.. remind me to read this post.. well after first week.. already back on track.. work during weekdays and binge during weekends.. haha j/k not the binge.. but some recreational drinking.. hehe man... my hall is freakin hilarious.. definitely opened up toward alcohol.. haha hella hall action.. lol covert ops missions, lime chips, southern comfort, stupid games, ice shot glass..... well i'll think of some more meaningful stuff to write 2moro or something. peace -andrew 1 comment|post comment

to some ppl... [08 Jan 2004|11:27pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | none ] man i feel hella bad now.. turned down a good friends offer to go chill.. parents were sorta against it.. then again.. seems like a lot of ppl are against it.. i know u wont read this.... becoming friends with you and the group has been the best part of my high school.. without friends like u, i dunno how i'd stand all those years of nehs i dunno why.. but it seems like so many ppl.. teachers, students, parents and even my own parents frown upon the fact that i have you guys as friends. ppl discriminate against me for who i am and those that i chose as my friends.. i wish i knew why.. but i guess thats all in the past.. ppl have told me that i changed a lot in high school.. that i caught on some bad habits.. or in other words.. made wrong decisions in terms of friendships.. i disagree wholeheartly... you guys have been the best group of ppl for me in high school.. u guys were the ones who knew me.. who understood and accepted me... when it seemed like i was distancing myself from the rest of nehs.. i became friends with all of u and in turn... found myself even further from most ppl in school.. i honestly tired real hard to make friends back in high school amongst classmates and such.. but most just shunned me away.. you guys became my only friends throughout most of high school .. i do not regret it one bit. ppl have asked me why i choose to hang out with the ppl i'm around and why i've become a bad kid.. whether you (whoever reads this) personally believe it or not.. i was considered a bad kid in high school.. branded by teachers and students.. most feared/disdained/ were disgusted of me most likely.. i can't do anything to change that. my parents say that we as ppl are affected greatly by out environment, by the ppl/friends around us. as the chinese proveb goes " those closer to red tend to become red, those closer to black tend to turn black" ( lol i know this is a lousy translation. but those of u who know chinese enough should understand it ) they've told me more then once that i should beware.. because some of my friends were not exactly the guai studious type found common in nehs.. so i guess they weren't too happy everytime i went out to chill with them... i've had to turn down their offers to do stuff numerous time . i feel bad everytime i do so. why? cuz they are my friends.. unless i have a urgent / important reason, why would i turn down a chance to spend time with them.. anyways what got me thinking about all of this was cuz i had to turn down another call to go out.. funny how many ppl say i have lots of friends.. yet throughout this whole winter break, only a few ppl have actually called me up to do something.. for that i'm grateful because these ppl are my real friends.. they actually find time to chill with me.. i'm not complaining or anything.. i'm merely stating a truth... so yeah, i wish i could spend more time with the group and that some ppl could have come back to tw.. u know who u are.. lol sorry man. i honestly would have went especially since u told me of the sales and shit. hahaha i promise next time we're in tw. we're definitely go find sales again, drive around and be assholes behind the wheel.. hahahah take care guys. safe trip back and have a good second semester.. lol i know mine is gonna be painful.. haha your friend, andrew 2 comments|post comment

winter break [04 Jan 2004|12:34am] damn.. the break has sure passed by quickly... felt like i didn't really do much most of the time.. kinda sucks. got one more week left. i need to read like 4 or 5 books, beat 2 computer games, and buy wahtever crap i need for another 4 months of hell in cmu ;) sucks how ppl are leaving already.. not much to look forward to the last week here i guess.. most of hte ppl i wanted to meet and chill with have left.. jon, lin, andrew jiang, jim, lisa... some others i guess oh well i should be staying home for hte rest of the week. prolly chill with some of my bro's friends before i leave. been partying too much lately.. haha i'm glad i spent time with the alums this winter. got to know many of them and hopefully we'll be able to chill more often in the future. ;) escapades at the lake.. clubbin in tp... pregaming in hyatt.. chilling at the holidae innnnnnnnnn =) tight shit i gotta find some ppl who took pix of those days and get some pix from them of course, can't forget the times with vic, jon, joey, and dan. glad that jon and vic came back this winter.. or else it would have been a lot more boring.. lol too bad boz , eric , and steve couldn't come back... or else we'd have the whole gang here.. hehe just like half an year ago... well if anyone has plans of what to do.. feel free to call me up or osmething.. by the way.. who's down fora poker tournament or mah jong games and shit at like my house or something? leave a msg. -andrew 3 comments|post comment

my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard [29 Dec 2003|12:13am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | kelis - milkshake ] kelis - milkshake a fucking awesome song.. too bad it wasn't played at hte club last night. =( hope to hear it soon in pittsburgh clubs. hehe well so the past few days in tw have finaly been exciting.. actually doing someting.. haha chilled with 01s and andrew jiang on thurs .. man.. cmu is prolly gonna die by the end of winter at the rate i'm going at.. lol finally met up with vic and jon on fri.. damn that was ill.. missed chilling with them and just fooling around in general. glad they are back and were willing to meet me. hahaha friday night at fridays... lol that will be a memory i won't forget for a while.. man joey and jon were just hammered... haha then we all got fucked up.. hahaha a bit of a waste.. but oh well drove all over tp hte last few days.. well vic and jon drove. hehe went all over the city.. wasted a load of money and time.. but its all good. man.. vic u we were hella cutting ppl off.. haha that was hilarious jon u unlucky bastard.. got pulled over 3 times.. lol oh well at least u didn't get fined or anything. after dinner with vic's friend Kai from clark, went back to tien mu to pregame and hten picked up christine to head to the club. i must admit. i was surprised to see the quality of hte clubs in tw. first time for me. compared to US clubs.. these seemed real high class.. had a great time chilling with everyone and dancing. damn i love it.. dunno why.. but i seriously picked up dancing ever since i got to US.. not that i'm any good ..lol i just like to move to the beats. haha ok now i sound gay... beware of andrew and jim.. they set out to try to get u.. it wasn't the first the first time they tried to waste me.. haha anyways got back at like 4 or 5 am and back to hc later in hte afternoon. drove around science park for my first time. haha. damn i suck at driving.. oh well looking forward to good chinese food on tues night.. and ill partying on new years eve.. props to those who arrange for all the fun. -andrew post comment

[06 Dec 2003|04:34pm] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | big tymers - this how we do it ] hahahaha shomari was forced to take my credit card yet AGAIN.. guess my shopping habits are getting real bad.. hahaha hey it was presents for ppl ok... not my fault.. ppl will pay me back.. oh well 1 more day till LP concert.. FUCK YEAH! =P crap... gotta work on paper and study for ece.. gonna get raped prolly... oh well... whatever snow fight later tonight.. hehe -andrew post comment

world so cold [01 Dec 2003|11:13pm] [ mood | cold ] [ music | emptiness... ] i think i've really gotten to a point where i dont care anymore.. about grades.. about ppl.. about many things in life.. all i want to do is go home and rest.. see my family, SOME friends.., and my big ass bottle of vodka =P yes.. i want to see that bottle again... heh heh but yeah.. i dunno if i really want to see other ppl anymore.. seems like things have changed so much now.. everyone is different.. i know i am.. i've become more numb and definitely become more cold... nowadays there really isn't much that makes me happy anymore.. i just try to live my life day by day.. but it still seems empty.. =/ i'm sure no one wants to see me and i'm pretty sure i dont want to see others either.. -andrew 2 comments|post comment

this one's for u Novak =P [24 Nov 2003|04:51am] [ mood | disappointed ] while i'm waiting for my bro to reply.. i'll type up some random stuff.. fucking 5 am.. i need to sleep soon.. those who want to flame my bro.. jsut quit it ok.. he doens't deserve it.. he's spent a lot of time on it.. something u won't understand cuz u didn't do it.. so SHUT THE FUCK UP.. as for other things.. thanksgiving is coming up.. means i can eat some REAL food.. haha cna't wait for that.. go to maryland buy some stuff and just chill.. should be great. hope to see everyone soon back in tw.. if anyone wants some stuff.. better start asking.. if i run out of money.. tough luck for u.. haha last but not least.. i want to shout out to my friend John Novak. none of ya'll know him but anyways. he's been a great friend of mine since i've gotten here at cmu and has helped me through a lot.. been there for me and shit.. i'll post a pic of him someday but anyways.. he moved out of donner today.. into Sigma Nu .. for those who dont konw.. its a frat u idiot.. congrats to him.. i'm happy to see that he's found a home in brotherhood. hehe i wish i could say hte same.. maybe next semester.. lol i know i prolly wont be seeing u around as much and shit. i just want to say that i'm grateful to have gotten to know u in this short semester. take care throughout rest of college.. i'm gonna be going to sig nu to see u often ;) i guess i'm a bit disappointed cuz i've only gotten to know u for a few months.. u and shomari are prolly my closest friends i've made this year. i'm sure we'll still be seeing each other around but not as often i guess.. but dont worry, you'll always be remember as the Sig Nu knight.. and of course ... Sir *****- A Lot ... hahahaha damnit eugene u are slow as hell whatever.. i need rest.. too much work today... late -andrew post comment

some things on my mind.. [19 Nov 2003|01:54am] [ mood | bored ] one more week until thanksgiving.. and less then a month before returning home to taiwan... damn.. college first semester has gone by pretty fast.. indeed totally different from high school.. those that say that nehs will prepare you well.. its just BULLSHIT... nehs didn't prepare me for shit... but then again, its not like i did well in high school anyways.. lol academically, socially, etc.. but whatever.. college is a transition.. a good one for the most part.. a tough one i might add. it has definitely brought lots of changes in my life but i can only accept them as a part of growing up. one of the few great things about college is the chance to meet ppl of a lifetime! wonderful/fucking intelligent (well here at least.. lol)/ caring/ dumbasses( yes.. every school has their share of them.. no matter if ur ivy league or not..) / CRAZY CS ppl...( hahahaha well thats only cmu.. and maybe a handful of schools.. )/ diverse ppl/ and of course FUCKERS (well the only one's i've met are teachers. heh heh) but the point is.. the ppl u'll meet will be some of the most influencial ppl for the rest of your life. one thing i think that all college students should do is embrace this new set of acquantinces. cuz they will definitely be of more help to you in the future then you'll ever imagine. especially for me.. coming from a small restricted school where ppl knew each other most of their lives.. meeting all these new ppl at once was tough.. its hard to find friends.. cuz there is just simply too many ppl.. where do you start from.. i guess it just takes time.. took me a long ass fuckin time.. but i'm glad to get to know many of these ppl. some are great to chat with about random things, some are good to chill with and hang out, others make great drinking buddies =P (yes i admit it.. i drink a hell load in college.. lol many do. haha) but the multitude of personalities and experiences is definitely what makes college worthwhile. i wish i could post some actual deep thoughts, but i'm too much of a dumbass to do that.. haha i also need to take some pix.. hopefully i can borrow novak's camera for a while and get pix of hallmates, friends, cmu, funny shit, pranks, DRINKING(hehe), and much more.. lately i haven't been keeping in touch with most ppl.. for that i apologize.. its just that my grades are too low... ;'( i really dont have much time to chat.. if i kept it up i would have dropped out.. SERIOUSLY.. heh heh but yeah.. hope ya'll have a good time in chicago.. see most of you back in winter break. i arrive Dec. 18th.. better be some good shit going down in tw.. i ain't flying all the way there for some dumbass talks with highschoolers about college.. lol i'm going back for some chilling and GOOD TIMES ;) wow that was a lot of bs.. now its time to rest. take care everyone. late -andrew 1 comment|post comment

[13 Nov 2003|12:56am] [ mood | numb ] [ music | Disturbed - Remember ] aih.. been bored most of this week so far.. not much hw.. didn't really talk with anyone either.. not online or on phone.. damn.. i'm losing it.. heh oh well... so i've been lookin at my schedule for next semester.. shit i'm fucking screwed... i have no choice in any of my classes.. 4 classes EVERY day.. and 8:30s on M,W,F ... FUCKKKKKKK not gonna wake up for half of them.... i hate school... :( oh well i'm just waiting for thanksgiving.. Linkin Park concert.. and getting the FUCK out of pittsburgh... and back to tw.. where i can screw around.. hehe and not have to worry about ANYTHING! hell yeah but yeah.. i really need to find something meaningful to do in my life.. its quite sad.. i can't seem to manage anything these days.. grades, friends, health, life in general.. aiyah.. oh well its only 1 AM.. i should sleep hehe.. so early :P 1 comment|post comment

foooooood [06 Nov 2003|09:43pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | Evanescence - Taking Over Me ] hahaha guess what... i just spend 56 dollars on food from a local gorcery... yes.. 56 USD! lol... thats like how much food my parents buy a week to feed a family of 4 ;) hahaha i'll prolly comsume this shit in like a week. two at most.. man they dont call me a pig for nothing... =P damnit.. i should stop eating.. lol i've gained so much weight.. :/ -andrew post comment

why do i hate... [27 Oct 2003|10:51pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | adema - pain inside... ] college has been nothing but a series of depressions followed by more depression.. when will it end... when will i find someone to talk to.. someone who understands... instead of judging me... sigh... i hate college... i hated high school... this aint any better... those of u in college should be grateful.. i'm sure u're all having fun to some degree.. i can prolly count the few moments of college where i was happy with my fingers.. i wish i could fit into cmu.. sadly that is not the case... 9 comments|post comment

The Ataris [21 Oct 2003|12:42am] [ mood | chipper ] [ music | the ataris - boys of summer ] i must say.. i've never really listend to punk rock htat much.. but after today's show.. i'm much impressed with tha type of music.. they were really great live.. concerts are great.. but sometimes ppl are just fuckers.. like they jump around and step all over you.. or else they freakin fall on ur.. some guy was crowd riding.. like on top of me. and i just pushed him to the floor.. lol serves him right for coming on top of me anyways.. i wasn't even that close to the stage.. or else they are rude and push u around.. i just don't budge or push thme back.. lol.. hehe i'm not to nice either. hah well my hallmates bought t shirts.. which actually looked really nice.. but i gotta save money.. broke right now.. i really want a steelers jersey.. =D oh well they were giving away free electric guitars at hte concert.. DAMN those were fukcin 1000 dollar ones too.. 2 ppl won htem.. lucky bastards! >.< my hallmate managed to get a drumstick used by the ataris drummer.. hehe that was pretty cool well thats the interesting story of the day.. back to bidding =P 2 comments|post comment

back to where i started from... [19 Oct 2003|10:55pm] its hard not to take things personally when everything seems to be directed at you.. true its probably not a big deal and ppl make jokes and mistakes and shit.. but how come it just seems like it always happens to me.. if not only me.. getting ditched on a daily basis.. always missing out on the events, the convos, sports... i mean i alwasys see other ppl being asked to join in and i'm often knocking on ppl's doors to ask for their company.. yet i rarely get any ppl dropping by my room.. ppl do things as a group and i'm never a part of it.. not becuase i dont want to.. but cuz i dont know about it.. little things like that make it hard for me not to take it personally.. besides.. my door is always open.. no reason not to come in unless you dont want my company. ppl always say i take things too seriously and should calm down.. yet they pull hte exact same shit on me all the time.. how am i supposed to take things lightly if all i ever get is this sort of stuff from others.. why is it that when i try to take an intiative to make friends and get to know ppl.. i never seem to get much response.. ppl are busy or just "forget" me.. i thought coming to college i would be able to make friends since there is such a diverse body compared to a small place like nehs.. yet it seems to make no difference.. wherever i go.. i'm not really accepted.. and NO .. time ain't gonna do SHIT.. some ppl believe it does.. i doubt it.. i was in nehs for 11 years.. in the end .. how many friends did i make..? prolly not enough to make anyone happy.. i really hoped to put the past behind and start over in college.. but the same shadows keep coming back.. when will i be able to say i'm truely happy.. i wish i knew.. -andrew post comment

[17 Oct 2003|06:40pm] [ mood | cranky ] [ music | Pujabi MC ft. Jay Z - Beware of the boys ] most of my life i've been plagued with the problem of few if not no friends. when i do find friends, i tend to cling to them. lol here in college.. i hoped to make some unique friendships that i would treasure forever.. however after nearly 2 monthes of college.. i still have doubts.. i dunno why.. its always been so hard for me to friends.. no matter what i do.. conform or by myself.. never seems to work for me.. i'm grateful for the ones that still consider me a friend and those who did. though it may not seem like it to many ppl that know me, i really do care for my friends. in any situation. however i often feel the lack of reciprocation of any sort from many ppl. it has led me to believe.. is it my fault my friends dont seem to be there all the time? do i expect too much? or am i just an asshole and ppl would rahter not associate with me..? i value friendship very highly.. and even though it does not show through my often belligerent personality and hot-temperedness, i genuinely do care for ppl. i always hoped for others to do the same for me.. since i figured.. i am such a mean person.. if i can show this degree of compassion and understanding and caring for others... other ppl must be able to demonstrate even greater extent of kindness. this is prolly why i set high expectations.. but most of the time.. reality fails to match up with expectations and i am disappointed again and again.. i dont know why i care so much.. many ppl think its no big deal.. i just take it too personally often. anyways i'm out of thought.. think of something more interesting to share later. -andrew 3 comments|post comment

ADVERTISING FOR CMU... HELL NO [16 Oct 2003|02:15am] [ mood | accomplished ] well since everyone has been advertising their own college... LOL here is what i have to say... i ain't gonna tell u to come or not.. its ur own fuckin choice.. if u want to learn about it.. u can ask me or waz.. but i'm gonna give u the real deal.. at least the part that i see daily.. its not some bs about how good cmu is.. if thats what ur looking for.. dont bother asking me.. cmu is fucking tough.. but it helps to challenge u and make u better.. i suppose.. heh so yeah if u want to learn more about cmu.. feel free to ask me AIM: homeone50 email: homeone@cmu.edu this is for all u little kids at nehs.. heh heh j/k well aside from that. the workload has finally seemed to settle down.. heh or maybe i'm finally adjusting. hope its the latter.. yeah been working out a lot.. but its damn tiring.. haha need to keep it up in order ot gain weight.. omg.. freshmen 15 is such BS.. it should be around freshmen 30.. hahaha at the rate i'm going.. it'll be 30 by the time i go back to tw... =/ oh yeah i actually managed to cut most of my hai by myself... hehe its not easy to cut one's own hair.. heh. my hallmates were all like.. wtf andrew.. ur hair is so short.. LOL NO ITS NOT! its long for me! i like it short! heh hell yeah midsemester break is this weekend.. 3 days... of partying.. clubbing.. drinking... getting high.. ;) doing whatever.. can't wait.. hehe well its getting late.. lol 2:30.. time to go read a novel now.. late -andrew post comment

college life... heh [10 Oct 2003|01:42am] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | Evanescence - hello ] well since all i've been posting is bullshit lately.. i'm sure most of u dont want to read anymore stuff from me.. so i'll change topic for once since i've gotten to college.. yeah those of u back in nehs.. college is VERY different from what u think.. trust me.. what the couselor has said and what past alum have told u.. its nothing compared to what college REALLY is... NOTHING like it.. so yeah... be warned.. its a big shock for many ppl.. some like it.. and some adapt.. while others like me suffer in pain daily.. lol but yeah college is also a great experience.. u meet some really unique ppl.. i'm glad to get to know some of these ppl.. and i'm sure i will stay in touch with them after college.. unlike some ppl i know.. lol lately the hw has been a bit less... so i've been cleaning my room and trying to organize my life... get like a good shceudle going.. exercise, lifting weights, hw, shopping, reading, playing games, socializing, partying.. stuff like that.. currently i do only 2 of those.. hw and weight lifting.. which is quite sad... but yeah.. what else? um.. i think freshmen 15 aint enough.. hahaha i've gained like that much already i itnk.. and i'm not even 1/4 of way through freshmen.. hahahaha screw that gotta watch my health.. i need to find some routine to keep me in shape.. still too fat/weak.. lol oh yeah. i just watched shomari and spirit house win intermural football championships! awesome game.. in case u don't know.. shomari is a black hallmate of mine. spirit house is the black organization on campus. many of the blacks are much nicer then them asians i meet.. haha well i'm getting tired.. lol post more some other time.. take care everyone -andrew 1 comment|post comment

linkin park - easier to run... [08 Oct 2003|02:14am] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | linkin park - numb ] its easier to run replacing this pain with something numb its so much easier to go than face all this pain here all alone something has been taken from deep inside of me a secret i've kept locked away no one can ever see wounds so deep they never show they never go away like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played if i could change i would take back the pain i would retrace every wrong move that i made i would if i could stand up and take the blame i would if i could take all the shame to the grave i would sometimes i remember the darkness of my past bringing back these memories i wish i didn't have sometimes i think of letting go and never looking back and never moving forward so there would never be a past just washing it aside all of the helplessness inside pretending i don't feel so misplaced is so much simpler than change its easier to run replacing this pain with something numb its so much easier to go than face all this pain here all alone dunno why i have the lyrics here.. sometimes i just feel like i want to run away.. from all the work here.. the lack of friends.. all the memories that will never be.. i wish it were easier to run. but sadly that is not true.. thats just cowardly... i feel like i can relate to many LP songs.. prolly cuz they are filled with anger/angst/sadness... -andrew 1 comment|post comment

nobody's listening... [29 Sep 2003|12:39am] [ mood | enraged ] [ music | disturbed - breathe ] thats how it seems to me all the time... i've been in college for over a month now... and i can't say i enjoy too much of it.. ppl here are amazing and friendly.. but still strangers.. takes time to get to know them.. and as for ppl i've known most of my life.. i dont even want to start.. cuz its just so pointless when i think of my friends from taiwan.. i really do doubt if i was ever their friend at all.. or just some acquintance.... i see why ppl say high school is nothing.. cuz those ppl dont really count much in the latter course of life. its college friends that matter.. thats prolly true.. but for now i'm still new to college.. i dont have enough friends to hang around with.. yet when i try to fall back on some childhood friends.. i find that they no longer want to associate with me and make no effort whatsoever to keep in contact. not that i can expect anything out of ohter ppl. its their own choice who they want to talk with online and who to call.. i guess i'm just not on their list of ppl worth keeping in touch with. i can accept that.. i have to cuz its just a fact now.. nobody seems to care much.. i was fully expecting for something like to to go down sooner or later.. but not immediately.. while i was trying to make new friends.. i would still try to keep in contact with old ones. i hoped to sort of be able to bridge the gap in high school and college friendships gradually.. and hopefully keep both types of friends... sadly that is not the case for me.. i feel like i've been cut out and such... ppl are in college and just dont have anymore time for stupid kid they knew in high school :/ i know i've been ranting about this bullshit in a few entries back.. i guess its cuz it just keeps coming back to every few weeks.. i realize how pointless it all is.. yet i can't really let go.. i was really hoping to keep some of these friends for life.. i guess i was just immature... man here is a song that describes how i feel right now... linkin park - easier to run... u know why i love lp so much? cuz sometimes i feel that i can relate to the lyrics.. the helplessness.. the sadness/anger in their songs.. metal is still the best... anyways.. happy bday to howard. though i doubt he'd ever read this. well so how is college life for me? um... sleeping little, feeling stupid all hte time, having too much wishful thinking and feeling down when i realize it will never happen, trying to make new friends, regulating my habits so i stay healthy, missing my family and my FEW friend/s who do talk to me from time to time. this is for my bro: fuck man... i miss you so much... i wish i could talk to you more often.. but i know ur a junior and grades are ur first priority. i'm glad u aren't online as much as you used to be. keep those grades up man. but DONT ever forget to keep ur friends.. dont be like me.. make the assumption that friends will last.. cuz they dont. find good ones and keep them.. damn i hate this time zone difference... i miss all the times we've been together through things.. good or bad.. no matter what happens i love you always. take care of the parents for me. i know i can't be there to help you as often anymore, but dont ever hesitate to call me up or send me a msg if u have questions. damnit i feel so alone here.. you are my best friend/sibling for life. take care man man i miss you too andy. though i know u wont read this. i'm still gonna write this for my own sake. man ur never online so i can't talk to u.. and ur fucking dorm phone is a piece of shit.. fuck man.. i can never reach u... why.. why is it that the one person i want to talk to can't be reached... oh how i wish u could go to college in US.. at least i can't reach u easier.. heh i know that it seems like i've lost hope in most of my friendships.. but i still believe we can be friends for life... even though we aren't around each other much due to circumstances and stuff.. i know u're always willing to listen to me and understand me. i always thought it unfair that my closest friend has to go through all this tw high school and stuff.. i wish he could have stayed in our department.. either way. i wish you best of luck in college. i know ur college isn't the best but i'm sure u'll find great friends and be able to keep in touch with ur old ones. know that i am always ur friend and will never forget the years of support u've given to me... take care and hope to see you soon.. for all those back in tw: take care people. if u have questions about college. feel free to ask me.. htough i might not project a bright picture all the time.. at least i can prepare u for some of the troubles.. heh to my friends.. you know who you are i wish the best for all of you. may you all enjoy life to the fullest! well that was a load of bs.. lol its time to wipe my tears and go sleep now.. heh no point thinking about this too long.... -andrew 6 comments|post comment

bored.... [13 Sep 2003|02:34am] [ mood | exhausted ] [ music | some sad shit i downloaded... ] aih this is the most boring friday night since i've been to cmu.. lol i guess thats cuz i actually stayed in my dorm.. haha instead of partying like i used to.. aih.. i realized a lot this week... that i'm seriously not cut out for work.. i'm pathetic.. so stupid.. and yet so lazy at the same time.. horrible combination... =( well i had to drop classes in order to survive.. quite sad... so yeah i've been lazy to update this either.. sorry. well the ppl in my hall are amazing. very talented. i couldn't imagine being in another hall.. we have great diversity within our hall and great bonding. hehe i'd post picture of my friends but i dont have a camera yet.. !!! BUT i got my webcam toady! hehe so go on msn and webcam with me. i'll introduce u to my hallmates and stuff. one thing i must say.. i have the utmost respect for the football players here.. crazy... they manage high grades and sports events.. 2 guys living next to me are football players and they are damn smart =P seriously.. i look at all the ppl here at cmu.. and i wonder.. how the hell did i get in? lol i'm not even close to their talent or ablilities... neither do i have their dedication.. aih.. i knew college was going to very different for me.. but i wasn't expecting a rude awakening.. heh well guess its better to know sooner then later.. 5 ppl went to pledge night today.. haha thats like 1/5 of my hall... LOL hope they dont all move in immediately.. sigh.. 3 of them are my closer friends here at cmu... i would hate to not have them in my hall for the rest of freshmen year.. aih.. i feel like i'm losing friends already... even after i barely made them.. seems like in my life.. i've never been able to make close friends.. just as i find friends.. they quickly depart from me.. and many lose contact or just forget or are too busy to keep in touch with me.... i dunno.. maybe i'm the one thats desperately clingin on to old friends or something.. but i sense that many ppl i used to know just either dont want to associate with me anymore.. or are too lazy/busy to keep in touch with me.. cuz i often find myself calling ppl/msing ppl trying to keep in touch.. but getting half hearted responses or lack or responses.. i thought i was better friends then that.. but i guess i'm wrong.. just like i always am.. aih.. i guess i just need to get out more often... oh well ltos more about college life to post.. i will do it more often.. as soon as i get my fucked up life straightened out... -andrew 2 comments|post comment

college is hard [08 Sep 2003|10:36pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | some sad shit i downloaded... ] aih.. i feel really bad right now... prolly never felt so stupid EVER in my life.. i shouldn't have even got into cmu... it just made me realize how dumb i am... after 2 weeks.. i had to drop 2 classes... i'm only a freshmen... sad... i guess its my own fault.. should have paid more attention in senior class.. why did i play so much..? dunno.. i guess i was just tired of high school.. wanted to have more fun.. but not in college.. i can't affrod to let my grades drop.. cuz i have an obligation to myself. to my parents to do well in college.. aih.. i dunno waht to say.. i guess i'm just really disappointed in myself.. all these years.. and here i am.. i finally realize the extent of my abilities.. and its really not quite far... so all that belief that i was actually smart is just a puff of smoke.. gone now... i feel really childish for having wanted to go to college so badly.. not realizing how difficult it was.. word of advice for anyone.. work hard in high school... u will need it... i realize there is just too much in me that needs changing.. i will never be good enough.. realizing this so late.. is just saddening... nothing else... the above was all a ramble of stuff in my mind... well now i will go out to walk alone.. late 4 comments|post comment

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